It always baffled me how I could be bright, clever and stupid in less than 5 minutes.

It was easy to put it down to mental illness after my failed suicide attempt and rejection of a dream job. Cleverly solving social schemes by becoming what other people want or need while hacking the system I lived in made me willingly stupid, when I imaginatively took on the role of the fool from Shakespeare who was of course the smartest person in the room, in the plays, if not in my very real life.

My inevitable lack of awareness around fashionable clubbable behaviour would appear like an unwelcome priest in a story by Camus inviting me to die with absolution while knowing I was faithlessly falling again unforgivably, without knowing why the rational Mathematics did not guide my choice. The I that cannot yield to reason isolates the identity in any human Me~Mind living one time forward lifetime.

A special type of yielding, from the inside out enables anieling of the srrident I in my mind.